Rather than really wanting it, having it being part of me that I must fulfill such that I always enjoy it.
Was apprehensive when I decided to watch a movie on my own that day.
Perhaps it's because of the experience of separation from friends in the movie theatre and I was just alone there, feeling a bit of loneliness but yet still trying to smile? I mean I don't grumble, because if not it'll be someone else feeling that way. But just a bit, whelmed with a tinge of sadness.
But just went ahead to Lido to watch Divergent.
The movie was really nice!
It got me thinking on many things and after that movie I sort of really felt I need alone time.
And felt that hey actually alone time can be fun and good too?
First, it got me thinking, whether there is a family outside of home?
In the movie the characters are supposed to choose what faction they want to be in and which they cannot go back to their parents or back to their faction or leave where they have chosen - meaning they will remain "factionless". Beatrice chose darkness (different from her original faction) and the leaders in there have high expectations such that they keep putting her/them into dangerous scenarios once they make even a small mistake, and that threatens their survival (death, or being "factionless")... But hey, when they chose, they welcomed her/them so happily. Almost like hypocrites.
Which I feel it's sort of sad right? But yet it seems to portray the true version of the world, the society, and some schools to that extent? Glamorous open houses and orientation camps but when you get in you'll know whats in for you that kind of thing, not much mercy to mention. Just ranks and if you cannot make it, you'll get it. I may be subjective, I don't really know, but I know I have seen people suffer around me under some of these systems. Maybe it's just part of growing up that we have to learn to deal with this, but feel that it is just so practical and mean, more so if the person worked hard. But in this movie Beatrice is a divergent; she quickly rose up the ranks.
Second, the male protagonist is so *thumbs up*. Charming character, I like his attitude and 柔情铁汉 feel. The way he protected her. Really sweet! <3 div="">
Third, who am I? I know only I know myself best, but yet I don't feel this familiarity at the same time. Perhaps not consistent? I don't know, is it what they call identity crisis? :O This is not only with regards to this movie; I was triggered and set to think of this many times this week.
And I realized I don't feel like responding to accusations anymore. I know I didn't do it, but yet I am faced with too much of small things that I don't feel like bothering myself with it anymore...?
And I find myself needing the time to reflect and less able to really provide how I feel or think right after something, is that correct or wrong? Is that not passing judgments, or that my brain is lazy?
And when I went to Bishan cafeteria to have lunch once, I saw all the elderly around me, some eating mixed vegetable rice, and which only have vegetables, and I look at my egg, vegetable and meat, I felt sad. Like really sad, want to do something for them. Tears sort of welled up in me but I didn't let it come down. I don't know why, but I just felt overwhelmed with sadness.
Confused~~~
Wei Ting
8:58 PM
8:58 PM